Life After The Assassination

Confused as to how I arrived at my current destination, I was fighting for each breath.  Simultaneously, wanting to live and die in order to escape this living death.  The assault of bullets in the form of lies and rumors were coming from all directions. My body temperature rose and I felt the sweat soaking my clothes, the tears in my eyes left an eternal sting and my heart was ripped to shreds.  In my moment of hurt, disbelief and confusion I had to make a decision to live or die.  Many of us have experienced being the topic of a rumor as well as being the carrier of the rumor.  When we are the victim of the rumor it cuts us to the core of our inner being.  Yet, we fail to think about it when we are the one who is sharing the rumor amongst people. Oftentimes, we justify it by saying “the word on the streets”; “don’t tell anyone” or “I’m just telling you what I was told”.  As if it makes it right.  Whether rumors are true or not when they have negative subject matter all parties involved suffer a loss.

I was 17 and pregnant.  A few weeks passed graduation.  I had survived anyone finding out at school, home and church.  However, I became deathly sick and almost lost my life.  This is where the story becomes devastating.  While the rumor was true that I was pregnant and almost died, the added commentary, the whispers, the stares and the ostracism was much more unbearable.  On countless occasions, I felt like given up and contemplating taking my life.  I had a harsh lesson in realizing, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” was only a tactic my mom used as way to help me cope with the schoolyard bully and in fact words can and will hurt. At one of my darkest moment, Proverbs 18:21 (Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof) breathed life into me.  It allowed me to take ownership of my truth and to rebuke what was not. I began to counter attack those untruths with my truths with “I am Blessed, I have a Purpose, I will live and not die and I am a child of the Most High”.  I was no longer forced to confront my attacker(s) and create a façade. I was locked and loaded with my very own line of defense.

 While words do not leave physical evidence its impact can pierce the hardest heart and the emotional scars can last a lifetime. Time after time throughout our society, we hear and see countless stories of  mothers becoming motherless because a child has chosen to take his/her life, marriages playing out in divorce courts, churches folding and dividing and careers being loss because individual are unable to cope or  resuscitate after the attack. After surviving a few attacks, I do not consider myself an expert but I do offer my experience.  I believe we need to become active participants in  preventive and counter intelligence by being spiritual grounded, being aware of our surroundings (people, places and things), establishing good standards personally and professionally and develop a mission/vision statement for our lives. Most of all we must want to live! My challenge to all reading is to be empathetic, think before you speak and willing to disengage in the practice of being a perpetrator of gossip, rumors or slanderous offenses and understand the totality of the implications it carries.  Finally, if you are the victim of the rumor Stand Strong a Refuse to Die and LIVE! Remember every storm will pass.